I realized today I haven't written much about what it is like for me to be pregnant. I want to write about this to share my experience, to be able to look back and remember the moments before my first child came into the world and so that someday, when they learn to read, they can know too.
Mornings are better than nights. I only look forward to nights because I can sleep. Laying next to Ryan is ofcourse a perk. But mornings are brand new. I feel refreshed and not so oversized. I feel light and limber. After a full days work or even no work I feel huge. My chest, back, tailbone, ankles and feet ache. I look at my round belly and can't believe I've only gained 9 pounds so far. Mornings are a fresh start.
All the attentions on me or rather...all attentions on my belly. So far just coworkers love touching my growing belly and blabbing their thoughts aloud on how big my belly is. The touching doesn't bother me at all. But some days I wish they would filter their thoughts as it is overwhelming to hear what people think about you day after day. I know I need to remember that the commenters mean no harm. They know as well as I that what I'm going through is an amazing thing. I know they are all just excited. And maybe the comments are their way of showing it. On the other hand, I'm thankful for these coworkers who genuinely care. I am reminded by this everyday when every person I see asks me how I feel today.
Strangers, who probably aren't sure if I'm the skinny girl or the chubby girl, haven't been brave enough to ask if I'm expecting. Or maybe I haven't encountered the brave ones yet. I get looks from guests at tables I'm serving. But, I think they are just trying to figure me out. Hahaha....it makes me giggle.
By the way, an ultrasound is more than a breathtaking experience. I can only compare it to....well, the most surprised you could ever feel. Hearing the baby's heartbeat is amazing. But watching little legs jut out, seeing a hand print fade in and out of view is far more incredible. Once again it brings the entire picture into focus. The ultrasound lets me see the reality of my pregnancy.
And what a wonderful reality it is. I dream about holding her (yes we are having a GIRL) in my arms, what her soft little face will look and feel like, what it will be like to nurse and to see Ryan hold her in his strong arms. I am so excited. I know not every moment will be perfect, that their will be times I want to lay down and cry right along with her. But, I'm ready for all the moments. Each day that I have before she is hear is one more day to prepare myself for every moment.
I can't wait!
Keep loving.
