Today I've won.

04/14/14, 6:28 PM

After sharing a youtube.com video with my sister, Lee Brice-Love like crazy, I turn around and look at E. A little girl in her own little world. She has her eyes glued to the TV; Lorax is playing, and she's eating strawberries with a fork. Yes, I have to mention the fork, she's using silverware. Her hair is in pig tails and she is just perfect standing there watching TV and eating her strawberries. I am overcome with joy and love and all those sappy feelings. Maybe, it's the song playing in the background. Maybe it's just a mama loving her baby.

I grab the camera to capture the moment, as I do with the major of moments that I know only last that long...a moment. I just can't get enough of her. Even if she is already at the 'terrible two' stage I tried so hard not to believe in, even if she is silly, goofy, giggly one minute and kicking and hitting me the next, I just can't get enough of her. Thank God the moments in between her little tantrums are far longer than the ones I grit my teeth through.

I point the camera at her. Look at the digital screen. And hit the button.

I say I love you. She says, love you mama.

My heart melts. I am overcome with joy and love all over again. My little girl just told me she loves me. All of my fears, doubts and worries melt away. Today I've won. Because my daughter loves her mama. Me.

Keep loving.

Life is funny.

"Some plants," said the teacher, "have the prefix 'dog.' For instance, there is the dog rose, the dogwood and the dog violet. Who can name another plant prefixed by 'dog'?" "I can," shouted a little boy in the back row. "Collieflower."

Life is funny. 18 months ago, a time right before I became a Mom, I might not have found that joke funny or cute. Or completely adorable (A word I use to describe things way too much these days.) Oh, how kids change you, how parenting changes you in a way you never imagined before it happened.

Being a Mom has changed so many things about me. I can barely handle photos of children hurt, sad or hungry (the worst). I want to reach out and help as many as I can. I have deeper feelings, stronger feelings about anything baby and toddler related. I see a tiny baby and I can't help the urge to look and ooo and aww. I'm pathetic, right?

But I think I have definitely grown as an individual. If only from the trials and tribulations of the first year; that are far from easy. Late nights, teething, gas bubbles, colds, first sitter, first daycare. Making the list is much easier than actually going through the events; each one making you a little bit stronger.

And yet, there are days I feel so weak, softer in a way. I just melt when she puts on her boots alone, says 'peas' (aka please) or blows kisses. Yes, Grammie, she's got it down. There are also times when I just freeze, unable to make another move because she's crying in my arms and doesn't want to say good bye. If I spent 40+ hours away from my momma when I was that little I'd cry too. That is exactly why in those moments I hold on two seconds longer.

I live for her now. I live for her happiness, health and well being. I can't help it. As I've said before when she took her first breath of air a light switch inside of me turned on. I'm all Mom all the time.

Becoming a parent flips your world on its back and alls you can do is roll over laughing. I laugh when she tries to jump, when she plays hide-and-seek and most of all when she laughs. It is what they call an "infectious laughter." Or maybe it's just that she is my daughter.


Keep Loving.

Weekend review in photos.

Due to the fact that I do not share enough photos and that we have had our hands full with a sick little E here are a couple of my favorite snapshots from the Miller's week (end).

Story Time

One of my favorite times.

Tomato Soup Lover.

She even got it up her nose. 

Dinosaur Exhibit @ Grand Rapids Museum

We couldn't believe the size of these things! And they moved!

Snow bank buddies.

These two are STILL enjoying the snow. 

Monkey business.

Play time at the mall is always fun.

I am so happy to share more photos of M. My new camera (a Christmas gift from R) is definitely coming in handy. For the first time in a long time I have a digital camera that takes better photos than our cell phone. I've been really enjoying capturing our moments together. Can you tell?

Keep Loving. 

A change in routine.

This morning I went about my usual week day routine; hit snooze just once on the alarm, shower, dress, pull up hair, make up, teeth, take vitamin, and pack lunch for R and myself. I got E's bag ready and got her dressed as she slept. At 7:45 we left to work. But, I didn't drop E off to my sister, nor did she come to our house. Instead I took her to her very first day at daycare.

As our little family stood in the door way together a million thoughts flashed through my head. Soon enough this will be us dropping her off to pre-school, taking her to her first dance, too sports meets or maybe gymnastics. I didn't panic though. E buried her little face in my legs, squeezing really tight for a few seconds. Then she saw her new play mate and off she went. No kisses. Just a quick wave.

I told R today, "our baby is growing up." I can imagine we will say this as she graduates high school, leaves for college and walks down the aisle to marry the man of her dreams. I am a sentimental fool. But, these moments will only be here for just that, a moment. And this is my way of cherishing itty bitty milestones.

And I was greeted with all good things when I picked her up, including art work! There were no tears all day and she even napped for an hour and a half. When E finally decided to come to me she clung to me like a baby chimpanzee, but still didn't want to leave.

Yes, this one is going in her memory box.

Showing Daddy her artwork. 

Her very first day at daycare couldn't have gone better!

Keep Loving.

The people you meet.

There's something rather interesting I have been wanting to share for awhile now.

It seems in the passed year or so certain people have come into my life, some stay longer than others, but even if for a short period of time some people I meet remind me of my family. Family, this one is a tribute to you.

Mom,
I first met a woman with spiky hair, like yours, when I was introduced to Ryan's gang. She is nurturing, thoughtful and caring like you. She makes me feel like I am an accomplished, unique individual; much like a mother should make you feel and much like you make me feel. I've known her for a couple years now and when I see her I think of you.

Dad,
Once in awhile I will wait on a customer at work and they will strike up a conversation with the slightest of ease and my mind wanders home to you. I humor the stranger and listen to their words and soon enough I'm talking just as much as they are, however wishing I was talking to you. Sometimes the stranger will have tanned skin like you or a worn out t-shirt and jeans. I know this person probably works as hard as my Dad always has. I am reminded of what hard work and sacrifice looks like.

Keisha,
There is a girl I work with that continues to catch me off guard. She reminds me so much of you. Her voice, her personality and her laugh. I work with her a couple days a week and she makes me feel like I'm near you... if only just a little bit. I always tell her you remind me of my little sister. She just smiles.


Having these unique people in my life makes me feel loved and reminds me of my roots, my home and that I have my family near and far away, that loves and cares about me. When I miss home and miss you guys it's the moments I find recognition in strangers that bring me closer to you.

Keep Loving.

A breathtaking experience.

I realized today I haven't written much about what it is like for me to be pregnant. I want to write about this to share my experience, to be able to look back and remember the moments before my first child came into the world and so that someday, when they learn to read, they can know too.

Mornings are better than nights. I only look forward to nights because I can sleep. Laying next to Ryan is ofcourse a perk. But mornings are brand new. I feel refreshed and not so oversized. I feel light and limber. After a full days work or even no work I feel huge. My chest, back, tailbone, ankles and feet ache. I look at my round belly and can't believe I've only gained 9 pounds so far. Mornings are a fresh start.

All the attentions on me or rather...all attentions on my belly. So far just coworkers love touching my growing belly and blabbing their thoughts aloud on how big my belly is. The touching doesn't bother me at all. But some days I wish they would filter their thoughts as it is overwhelming to hear what people think about you day after day. I know I need to remember that the commenters mean no harm. They know as well as I that what I'm going through is an amazing thing. I know they are all just excited. And maybe the comments are their way of showing it. On the other hand, I'm thankful for these coworkers who genuinely care. I am reminded by this everyday when every person I see asks me how I feel today.

Strangers, who probably aren't sure if I'm the skinny girl or the chubby girl, haven't been brave enough to ask if I'm expecting. Or maybe I haven't encountered the brave ones yet. I get looks from guests at tables I'm serving. But, I think they are just trying to figure me out. Hahaha....it makes me giggle.

By the way, an ultrasound is more than a breathtaking experience. I can only compare it to....well, the most surprised you could ever feel. Hearing the baby's heartbeat is amazing. But watching little legs jut out, seeing a hand print fade in and out of view is far more incredible. Once again it brings the entire picture into focus. The ultrasound lets me see the reality of my pregnancy.

And what a wonderful reality it is. I dream about holding her (yes we are having a GIRL) in my arms, what her soft little face will look and feel like, what it will be like to nurse and to see Ryan hold her in his strong arms. I am so excited. I know not every moment will be perfect, that their will be times I want to lay down and cry right along with her. But, I'm ready for all the moments. Each day that I have before she is hear is one more day to prepare myself for every moment.

I can't wait!

Keep loving.