A squeal, a hug, a too short day.

Lately, days seem too short. When I first looked at the clock today it was already 1:00 pm and I somehow forgot to eat lunch. Or I didn't want to take the time to leave my desk because I was too excited about the tasks at hand. Is that ridiculous? I enjoy working. Wait...FINALLY! I ENJOY WORKING. It has been way to long since I could wholeheartedly say, I love getting up in the morning and going to work.

And then when 5:00 sneaks up on me I can't wait to hop in my car and drive to pick up E. I look forward to seeing her little face and how suprised she is to finally see me. I either receive the O face or a little squeal before she comes toddling over to climb into my hug.

Then I scoot on over to get R @ 5:30. Everyday it seems like even longer that I haven't heard his voice or hugged him too. I look forward to our exchange of, "How was work?" Working in the same field has definitely changed our conversations, which R was excited about. We are on the same page even more so than before. It's nice.

Evenings zoom by as well. Dinner, dishes, bath time, play time (which I am trying to incorporate something new into every evening), bed time and then finally time to relax. At this point I have a hard time keeping my eyes open. Sadly, I fall asleep before the movie introduction even ends.

The past week I have been preparing for a holiday market that is at the end of the month. There for I can't wait to get home and crochet. I am still brainstorming a creative set up and display for my handmade things. However, I finally decided on a design for tags! I printed them in a bright lime green color. I'll be posting photos soon! (I can't ruin the surprise before the market.) More details to come on that as well!

So, that's my here and now, especially because our days are so here and now. It really pushes us to take care of the important things right away and make time for the important people and things too.

Keep loving.

I never, ever, ever imagined.

I have to say, getting a full time job, after waiting for so long is everything I'd hoped it would be and everything I hoped it wouldn't be all rolled into one long 40 hour week.

It's dress clothes, nice shoes, smelling good (Green peppers and onions only smell good on a sandwich. Not your hands) and feeling good.

It's a sense of accomplishment and feeling worthy and a little proud every day.

It's steady...everything: alarm clock sounding in the morning, pay check, hours, weekends, lunch breaks. Everything is set. (I like consistency: if you needed a reminder.)

It's learning, discovering, lessons, research and decision making all day.

It's exciting, new and challenging.

But,

I've never been more torn between two things as much as am I now. How do I look out for what's best for my family when I can't be beside them looking out for them?

I never, ever, ever, imagined I'd feel such sadness and heartache when I kiss my daughter good bye every morning.

After I hug her and right before I look away from her innocent, blue eyes my heart breaks. I want to go back to her and scoop her into my arms, hold her, sway back and forth for just a few moments longer. Because I know I am missing out on precious moments of her being little years.

I don't see her smiling sleepy face after a nap or her silliness when she plays. I don't hear her babble German sounding things or pick out her outfit to get dressed.

I know it's for the best and for our better future together. I know I'm making a difference for all of us and that it will get easier. I know Moms do it all the time and I know E is safe and sound.

But then it's time to go to work again.

Keep Loving.