Happy is hard.

Moving is hard. Marriage is hard. A child is hard.

Then again, who said it was going to be easy?

The passed couple days have been trying. I didn't realize how badly I was stressing until I was doubled over the toilet losing my dinner, which wasn't much to begin with. I'm trying to take and get through one day at a time but Ryan has a totally different idea for our pace of life. Goals and bills and plans for the future keep him driven. And fast too. On the other hand Im pregnant. And want to enjoy this time until the baby comes along to change everything.

I'm having a hard time deciding what I want to happen after that. I want to raise my baby I know that much. But, it stresses me out to think about anything else. Whether or not I will stay working at the Grand or find a new job or work part time is all yet to be decided. I don't feel like there is any reason to be in a hurry. Life goes by too quickly anyways.

We have Maddi all week. I'm once again reminded of how much work and patience it takes to be a mom. Being shoved right into having a 7 year old running around full time, when you are used to once a week, is probably somewhat different than raising your own child, teaching them responsibility, manners, cleanliness and what is healthy. All of these things we re-teach Maddi each time she stays with us. I think it would be trying on anyone's patience.

However, I love the times when we can play cards, make chalk drawings and laugh at silly things. She is such a smart kid and still learning a lot; one thing I need to remind myself.

Ryan's been busy at work. This is his first official week at the office. He is very excited, as am I. But I can tell stress is still a factor when he is short with me or takes offense to non-offensive responses. I try to be patient as much as possible. (You'd think I was the queen of patience by now.) Usually it takes just a minute or two for one or both of us to realize we need a minute to collect ourselves. And I'm thankful for this. Ryan is careful with his words and actions. I think he's learned my soft heart and sensitive soul. Which I am also thankful for.

There are happy thoughts around every corner. I believe that if you realize you are meant to experience the hard stuff, you will learn to find these happy thoughts. It might take a few tears but you'll find them. Happiness is hard sometimes. But worth it right?

We have some fun things to look forward to this Easter weekend. I guarantee an update and photos.

Keep loving.