I forgive you.

I forgive you.

I realized I forgave you a couple weeks ago. The sun was shining and the sky was that exciting blue that makes you happy. I was happy, making my daily commute to pick up E and then go pick up R. I probably looked like a fool with a smile pasted on my face as I drove down the freeway.

When Drops of Jupiter came on the radio I didn't turn it like I did countless times in the passed three years. You better believe the first think I thought of was the girl I grew up with. I listened and sang my heart out. I sang the whole song all the way through, the entire time thinking of you. For the very first time I could listen to our song. It made me happy. Chills spread over my arms as the song pulled memories from the past; things I haven't thought about in a very long time. So many things I had forgotten about.

These passed few years I was stuck being frustrated, confused and lost. I used to ask myself: if I was her best friend why did she treat me like she did? Why did she do the things she did? I asked myself, was I bad friend? Was I a terrible person for the way I handled or didn't handle things?

A while back someone answered the questions for me. They said, "maybe you were her friend during times of struggle because she really needed a friend." And that was enough for me. I only hope now I was...

There have been so many times I've wanted to write you. I've started countless letters. Wanting to know why things happened like they did. But now, I finally realize it doesn't matter anymore. It's time to move forward.

As Train played and I sang "plain old Jane told a story bout a man, who was to afraid to fly, so he never did land," I felt strong. I feel stronger now and I believe that is the biggest reason why I am no longer troubled by the passed. I firmly believe things happen for a reason. The way things happened between us happened for a reason.

I can't promise I am ready to open the door to a new friendship. But, I do miss you. Everyday.

I need you to know that I am not mad at you and I do not hate you.
I've forgiven you. And myself, for walking away from you and for the way I handled things.

Here's to tomorrow, possibilities and taking a step forward.

Keep Loving.