Weekend alone.

I'm sitting alone on my favorite couch in my quiet apartment. Today is the second day that Ryan is out of town with the guys, celebrating his last two official weeks as a bachelor. And I miss him more than I thought I would.

I've been able to spend some quality time with my sister and my great friend (almost sister) Ali. A glass of wine, girl chats and crafts were much needed after a hectic week at both jobs. A very pleasant evening. But I woke up this morning with no Ryan beside me and my eyes filled with tears. I miss him a lot.

It shouldn't be that big of deal. Not seeing your best friend, mate, lover for (not even) 3 whole days. But it is. I can't talk to him and have not a single clue as to what escapades his buddies have in store.

Or maybe I'm just being a baby. A few times today a thought would cross my mind as I wondered what he is up to or that he won't be there when I get home and my vision went blurry from tears. Again.

It's easier when I'm not thinking about him. But that's nearly impossible.

I wish I would have prepared myself for his departure and time away. I knew I had a lot to catch up, cleaning, laundry, wedding stuff. But I forgot to think that I would be doing most of this alone. I forgot to prepare myself for no hugs, no kisses, no late night chats.

I remember a time in my life when I welcomed a quiet apartment, my own room with all my things right where I wanted them. I was okay falling asleep alone. I realize now how much companionship means to me. And how much I depend on Ryan's companionship.

Deep down inside I know Ryan and the guys are all safe and having an action packed weekend. I trust the people he calls friends and more importantly I trust him. When I keep my mind focused on these things the tears disappear.

Kudos to those who can do alone time on a daily basis. I realize it is a healthy thing to have and Im sure there will come another day when i welcome the silent alone time but for now this girl needs her man.

Keep loving.