Walking the tunnel.

I'm all snuggled up under my soft cotton sheets next to my friend, lover and soon-to-be husband. I'm relaxed, peaceful and wonderfully happy with my head on my favorite pillow, writing and listening to Ryan as he searches online for used cars.

A few days ago I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like I had 1000 pounds resting on my meak shoulders.

It all changed. The weekend was, well...unexpected. I made a very big, over due decision that should have and could have been made in a more professional way. I quit my job. I just walked away. No fuss. No mess...

...or that's what an uncaring selfish person would say. And because I'm not that person my thoughts continue to drift back to that horrid excuse for a job. Because there were actually a few people at that place who I could call friends, maybe even family. It's those same people that gave me a reason to keep trying and showing up. Those same people who made tears stream down my face @ the thought of leaving them there.

Thinking again, if those people thought of me as someone important we will stay close, connected and continue to be friends. I can only cross my fingers, hope and try to keep in touch.

But if this ends up becoming what I'll lose I've definitely gained a lot when I let the door slam shut behind me. I feel like I've gained dignity and respect, self respect, rather and peace of mind, as well as a little bit of freedom.

The most amazing part about this experience is that Ryan stood by me through it all. It shouldn't really amaze me because I know this man is as loyal as they come. But, he listened and was honest and pulled me through. I couldn't have done it without him.

I lay here in bed, Ryan already asleep beside me and I can peacefully say I made it through that dark misty tunnel. The light is shining bright!

Keep loving.